Funny English stories
Đã gửi: 17:30, 02/01/18
I have heard about Paddy and Seamus, walking outside, and a hawk shit over Paddy. His whole face was covered. Seamus said, "Wait, it will take a little time; I will have to go back to find some tissue paper." Paddy said, "You idiot! By the time you come here, the hawk will be gone miles away!"
Bernie Baloney comes racing into the emergency room of the Hamchop Hospital. "Excuse me, miss," he pants, as he reaches the receptionist, "but can you tell me which ward Miss Fitz is in?" "Miss Fitz? You mean Miss Fannie Fitz?" asks the receptionist. "The woman who got run over by a steamroller this morning?" "Right!" says Bernie. "Which ward is she in?" "Well," explains the receptionist, "you will find her in wards eight, nine, and ten!"
Cherrie Chubbs is concerned about her husband Buster's impotence, but she also realizes that he will never admit it as a problem. So one day she goes to see her family physician, Doctor Hardong, who prescribes some medicine to raise Buster's spirits. Cherrie takes the prescription to the drugstore but unfortunately the pharmacist misreads Doctor Hardong's handwriting. Instead of typing "FOUR TEASPOONS" on the label, he types "FORTY TEASPOONS." Early the next morning, Cherrie Chubbs races into Doctor Hardong's office. "What is the matter?" asks the doctor, looking up at the frantic Cherrie. "Did not the medicine work?" "It certainly did," smiles Cherrie, "but now I need the antidote so that they can close his coffin!"
Barry Bug eyes is talking to his friend, Mervyn Mildew, over a few drinks in the bar. "How did you get on with your date last night?" asks Mervyn. "Ah!" groans Barry, "it was terrible. It was a tragic case of mistaken identity." "Really? Mistaken identity?" asks Mervyn. "What do you mean?" "Well," explains Barry, "I took my date out to the most expensive restaurant in town. We went in and ordered a huge meal, but as soon as we started to eat, my date found a cockroach in her soup." "How ghastly!" exclaims Mervyn. "What did she do?" "She stood up," says Barry, "and shouted: `Waiter! Remove this insect!' -- and he threw me out in the street!"
Paddy is sitting in the pub one afternoon when he gets a phone call from his friend, Sean. "Hello," says Sean, "is that you, Paddy?" "Hello," replies Paddy, "is that you, Sean. What's up?" "Ah!" says Sean. "My car has broken down and I'm stuck near Belfast and I need a hundred dollars. Can you send it to me?" "What is that?" cries Paddy. "It is so noisy in here I cannot hear a word you are saying!" "I said I need a hundred dollars," Sean shouts. "You have got a bad line," screams Paddy, "I cannot hear you!" Suddenly, the operator comes on the line. "Hello, this is the operator," she says. "I can hear him perfectly!" "Okay," says Paddy, "then you send him the hundred dollars!"
Bernie Baloney comes racing into the emergency room of the Hamchop Hospital. "Excuse me, miss," he pants, as he reaches the receptionist, "but can you tell me which ward Miss Fitz is in?" "Miss Fitz? You mean Miss Fannie Fitz?" asks the receptionist. "The woman who got run over by a steamroller this morning?" "Right!" says Bernie. "Which ward is she in?" "Well," explains the receptionist, "you will find her in wards eight, nine, and ten!"
Cherrie Chubbs is concerned about her husband Buster's impotence, but she also realizes that he will never admit it as a problem. So one day she goes to see her family physician, Doctor Hardong, who prescribes some medicine to raise Buster's spirits. Cherrie takes the prescription to the drugstore but unfortunately the pharmacist misreads Doctor Hardong's handwriting. Instead of typing "FOUR TEASPOONS" on the label, he types "FORTY TEASPOONS." Early the next morning, Cherrie Chubbs races into Doctor Hardong's office. "What is the matter?" asks the doctor, looking up at the frantic Cherrie. "Did not the medicine work?" "It certainly did," smiles Cherrie, "but now I need the antidote so that they can close his coffin!"
Barry Bug eyes is talking to his friend, Mervyn Mildew, over a few drinks in the bar. "How did you get on with your date last night?" asks Mervyn. "Ah!" groans Barry, "it was terrible. It was a tragic case of mistaken identity." "Really? Mistaken identity?" asks Mervyn. "What do you mean?" "Well," explains Barry, "I took my date out to the most expensive restaurant in town. We went in and ordered a huge meal, but as soon as we started to eat, my date found a cockroach in her soup." "How ghastly!" exclaims Mervyn. "What did she do?" "She stood up," says Barry, "and shouted: `Waiter! Remove this insect!' -- and he threw me out in the street!"
Paddy is sitting in the pub one afternoon when he gets a phone call from his friend, Sean. "Hello," says Sean, "is that you, Paddy?" "Hello," replies Paddy, "is that you, Sean. What's up?" "Ah!" says Sean. "My car has broken down and I'm stuck near Belfast and I need a hundred dollars. Can you send it to me?" "What is that?" cries Paddy. "It is so noisy in here I cannot hear a word you are saying!" "I said I need a hundred dollars," Sean shouts. "You have got a bad line," screams Paddy, "I cannot hear you!" Suddenly, the operator comes on the line. "Hello, this is the operator," she says. "I can hear him perfectly!" "Okay," says Paddy, "then you send him the hundred dollars!"